The Gist

ATTENTION PHOENIX HUSTLERS!

Ten Haggard is apparently heading to Phoenix, having gotten a fat severance after getting caught having visited a male hustler, Mike Jones, and bringing good old Christian disgrace to the New Life church. According to reports the agreement is that they will pay Haggard through 2007 -- $138,000 -- if he moved from Colorado Springs and vowed not to speak about the scandal. I think the real agreement though was that he would continue to say he was "totally heterosexual" and stay away from gay anything. Which is why I think those rent boys of Phoenix have got to find Ted and help us prove he's still very much the homo we came to know last fall.