The Gist

When You Knew

We had an interesting, really fun discussion on the show yesterday after I interviewed Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, producers and directors of the HBO documentary When I Knew, which airs later this month on Cinemax (June 25).

The film, inspired by the Robert Tractenberg book, is terrific in that it's such a simple premise, and yet something a lot of us haven't really talked about or explored together: When we first realized we were gay, lesbian bi, trans, different or whatever. Sure, we talk about coming out, dealing with family and friends and we talk about the struggles and the issues. But this is about that innocent moment of realization in childhood or later, when it hit us like a ton of bricks, and we often didn't have any real words to describe it (or at least, those of us of not-that-much-older generations didn't have the words).

Some of the stories in the film -- 150 people were interviewed, of every age group, race, region, etc. -- are pretty funny, some sad and others heartwarming, but all of them connect together. It's the kind of thing I think we all just "get." On the show I told my story of when I knew: while watching Davey Jones on the "The Monkees," the late 60s TV sitcom where he was of course the lead singer of a band (based on The Beattles). He had his shirt off, in a boxing ring, put up by the group's manager to fight the champ, or something like that. I was 7 years old, and overwhelmed, sitting with my female cousin and swooning with her, imagining kissing him. (I dreamed about being close to him night after night after that episode).

We took calls for over an hour on the show, listening to people telling us when they knew. So, I thought I'd post it here and have you jump in and tell me your stories too. When did you know?