Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Keyes Alternative (Universe)

Oh crap, how on earth do we unravel this one? Alan Keyes has just unleashed an unbearably long rant over at WorldNetDaily and it really delivers the crazy. And we mean crazy as in "John McCain is like the AIDS virus" crazy. Yes, Alan Keyes thinks John McCain is like the AIDS virus. Yes, the same Alan Keyes who made headlines when he came on our show at the Republican convention in 2004 and called Mary Cheney a "selfish hedonist."
Collective Head: Explode.

So, let's try and figure this out. Keyes writes:

I cannot vouch for the scientific accuracy of this description when it comes to AIDS, but my own experience confirms its accuracy as a description of the condition of the body politic in America today.
Ok, so, like, we're all like the AIDS virus? No? Ok, moving on:
During the Republican primary season, none of the candidates touted by the media or promoted by the corporate money powers offered a substantive, consistent and proven republican alternative. The two who most prominently professed to speak for the moral constituency (Romney and Huckabee) were different versions of the same masquerade. Romney wore the false robes of a pro-life convert to mask his true record as a supporter of so-called abortion rights and homosexual marriage in Massachusetts. Huckabee touted his true record of support for moral conservative positions as governor of Arkansas to distract from his true record of big-government socialism in every other respect. Then Fred Thompson stepped forward using a false claim of conservatism to mask the true absence of any substance at all. All the while, every effort was made to make sure that a capable, consistent, substantive conservative voice would never be heard.
That voice, of course, was the voice of Alan Keyes. A "capable, consistent," voice who claims other people are like the AIDS virus. Then he goes into a rant about how he was kept out of the debates (which probably had to do with the fact that no-one actually voted for him). So let's skip that part and get back to the crazy:
These candidates produced the result the AIDS analogy would lead one to expect. In terms of the conservative constituency of the Republican Party, Sen. McCain is an opportunistic infection that threatens to ravage and destroy its defenseless body. Tragically for America, in the larger context of our national political life he still plays the role of the AIDS virus, masquerading as a republican while opening the way for Barack Obama, the opportunistic infection that will ravage the defenseless body of our republic.

So there you have it. In America, McCain=AIDS and Obama=Opportunistic Infection. All of this is so clear to us now. By his own logic Keyes must be like herpes because he never goes away.