Monday, August 11, 2008

A Steamy Cup of Crypto-Fascism

So, some wing-nut out in Indiana got fed up with the liberal politics of most coffee houses and decided to open up his own "Conservative Cafe," complete with Ann Coulter books and giant glossy pictures of Ronald Reagan. Ugh, why must these conservatives always make silly segregated things for themselves, like christian themed gyms? Do they really believe what they are doing or are they just trying to be contrarian and "edgy"? Because either way it just winds up looking pretty lame. The cafe's owner Dave Beckham apparently thinks Starbucks is some grand fault line in the culture war.

He [Beckham] didn't like piped-in folk music, specialty drinks with faux-Italian names or patrons who frittered the hours away on laptops or listening to iPods. The atmosphere, he said, seemed an affront to Midwestern values he learned growing up in northwest Indiana.

"Coffee shouldn't be about sitting in a cafe for 12 hours," Beckham said. "Coffee gets us through our workday. It's what we drink before we make steel for the rest of the country or head out into the fields."
The cafe offers up different blends of coffee like the radical right blend. It also features coffee called conservative, moderate and liberal -- the latter which he describes as a "Colombian decaf with no substance." So, listeners and readers, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with your own blend ideas for conservative coffee. We'll get you started:

The Buckley Blend: vanilla and nutty...